Hard to keep going…

I have found out that I’m not that good at big changes. Maybe only few of us actually are, but I’m at a loss sometimes. Moving house and aiming at a new future is a big deal for anyone. And so it isn’t crazy that it has the impact on my life that it has. But I’m pretty annoyed by it. Because my full head is preventing me from drawing, making journal pages, working on my projects at a good pace. I’ve even found myself feeling hopeless that it will ever happen again! And in my lowest of days I’ve even been wondering if we should invest in building me a studio at all. Things are not exactly taking flight right now and I know I won’t be able to get it up and running for months, maybe not even until after the Summer break. It’s such a long time…and I’ve already been on hold for such a long time… Sometimes I just want to throw in the towel and get a regular job so that I can finally leave behind me the hardship of starting up by myself.

But fortunately, the little spark inside of me that seems indestructible, is urging me on to use my time well every now and then.

And so, today I did a few chores that I had to do, got groceries to bake X-mas cookies with my kids for tomorrow’s X-mas dinner at school and then sat myself down to finally touch some pencils again. I didn’t feel inspired to do the Sketchbook Project, so I chose to listen to the Carla Sonheim podcast I linked to in my previous entry and did the exercise she gave in it. And above’s my Picasso dog.  Then I did another freeform dog…

For this dog, I drew a freeform and then two more freeforms right through it. I thickened lines in various places, filled in the double lines with bals and colored the empty space around the balls but between the lines. Then I looked at the shape and lines for a long time unti I saw the snout and drew the nose, the mouth and the eyes. Chucked in some quick watercolor in the dog and in the frame and then drew lots of black balls.

It’s so good to have done Carla Sonheim’s class. Even when I feel totally off and uninspired, it’s simple exercises like these that lift me back up within an hour. And they’re not great art, but so what? They’re totally good to get any creative juice flowing and they set aflame the desire to draw more and more and more…a priceless desire. I want to try and do such easy peasy exercises every day. To stay in creative motion and hold on to that. Because there’s absolutely no reason why I should give up my dream just yet. I may be moving, but I’m not giving up my future. It’s just going to happen somewhere else!

I haven’t been able to scan my “The Sketchbook Project” pages just yet. And it’s not getting along very well either. It’s only 3 weeks before it needs to be sent off to the States. Yikes! I’ve only got 5 pages yet. Help! I’ve also learned that I’m not that good at projects…want to get better at them. So I’m not giving up. Thursday’s another exciting day for us and I’m hoping that after that I’ll get some peace at heart so that I can do a lot of pages in my X-mas holiday.

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