Today’s Journal Page: A life forgotten


Mixed media plus illustration.

Click here for the larger version.

(oh, and ps: the thing at her bottom was intended to be the bottom knot of a balloon; it is not something pornographic…for the next time I might consider placing that sort of thing on a less compromising spot! hehe)

So, how’s everything coming along? Well, as you know life hasn’t been easy here lately. It was “one of those times”. It appears to quiet down a bit, although I’m still dealing with very tough choices. One thing that’s keeping me busy, for example, is the question whether or not I’m keeping my children at their current school. They’re not really happy there and I’ve got serious concerns for both their emotional safety there and the educational climate, which is seriously antique and anything but stimulating. Adding everything up it’s pretty obvious. But making the girls go through another major change within half a year of leaving their former school and friends…that’s heartbreaking. But I’m going to have a chat at another school soon and see how that feels and take it from there.

Then there’s some stupid things that went bad for us like owning a car that has literally cost us a fortune already this year. It’s eating away all our savings. And now it is in need of another major and very costly repair. So frustrating.

So, not everything’s running smoothly yet, but on the sunny side: things seem to be looking up. Seems as if the roughest is behind us. Let’s hope it stays there! We’re working hard to keep it there anyway!

But the way things are going now, I am carefully looking ahead. In all the turmoil of the past months, I’ve come to realise that I had worked very hard to move house, to give the girls a safe haven, to support my husband in his new job, to keep in touch with our now distant friends, to make new contacts here….all very good and well, but I forgot to think of myself. I have a lovely studio here, but I haven’t worked in it passionately or inspired yet. I was just too empty and exhausted and with all the hassle, I felt lonely and homesick. I have done some paintings about that, but after a while it made me sick to delve deeper into those sharp edges. And so I let it be.

But then I heard somebody speak of moving and moving your life with you and a bell rang inside my head. I had forgotten to move my own life with me! And that’s what today’s journal page is about. I worked so hard, and spent tons of energy, but didn’t have my usual power supply with me. Could I be anything but exhausted then? I moved all the tools for my life over here, but I forgot the spirit of it somewhere along the line. It seems really stupid right now, but as I was letting go, I didn’t notice that my own life was slipping from my hands.

Well, I’ve noticed now and I’m on it like a hawk. Or like a peregrin falcon; they fly faster and can catch something in flight! I’m picking up my old life again. But before it’s all systems “go”, I’m first going to take some time to rid myself of the fatigue and spend the coming week sleeping it off. We have a fall break and if all goes well, my husband will be home too. So I’m hoping we can spend lots of time outside by the sea and playing games. Really take a break and sleep in every day…I can’t wait till that morning that I wake up and pull the duvet up and tuck myself back in for another nap…then wake up and try one more…and then wake up to grab a book and read until my back’s sore with lying that long…then going to the baker’s for fresh rolls…walk the dogs and then head for the beach….have a hot cocoa with whipped cream in a beach cafe…spend lots of time roaming around the beach looking for sea glass, shells, shark’s teeth…head back home all tired and with a fresh head…cook something wholesome but simple…play a game with the kids and have more hot cocoa…take the kids to bed and read them until they get drowsy…snug up on the sofa with a pot of hot tea and watch a little silly tv…then get to bed early and sleep some more to start a similar day the next day. Doesn’t that sound awesome?

I bet a few days like these will do me up! Then to the hairdresser with myself, clean the house up, fix a few minor things in the studio and get started! I’ve finished the plans for new courses and I’m aiming to start in the third week of January. So I’m gradually getting in position for take off!

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